


My Wife is a Hypochondriac

by MarcusLaurence



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, Hypochondria
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-09 20:18:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11112090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarcusLaurence/pseuds/MarcusLaurence
Summary: Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby’s loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It’s a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story idea came to me while watching Shohei Imamura's 1961 film Pigs and Battleships. Amidst a truly silly cast and setting, my favorite character was a high-ranking member of the Yakuza that happens to be a hypochondriac. Chapters 2 and 4 of this work will be more directly inspired by this film than the others, but they all have the same main idea: humor based on imagined illnesses and misguided self-diagnosis.
> 
> As I mentioned earlier this will be one of my shorter stories (probably about five or six chapters), but if you enjoy what you read here then buckle in, it's only going to get more ridiculous!

A pitiful voice became audible as Ruby entered the room, closing the door softly behind her. "Ruby. . . Ruby," Weiss gasped out weakly. Ruby rushed to the bedside and took her wife's hand gently between both of hers, feeling for Weiss's pulse. A heartrate monitor beeped steadily in the background.

"What is it Weiss, what's wrong?"

"Ruby," Weiss struggled to get the words out, her breath coming in gasps, "I'm dying. I don't have much time left. I need you to-" a coughing fit broke off her words.

"Weiss? Weiss!" She went to put a hand to Weiss's forehead but it was slapped away before she could make contact and check for a fever.

"Ruby, I need you to open the safe once I'm gone. You know the combination. You'll find. . . everything you need to live comfortably inside. Just promise me you'll remember the happy times we had together." Her feeble voice trailed off, her rasping breaths and the heartrate monitor the only sounds in the room.

Ruby finally managed to get her palm onto Weiss's forehead despite her wife's protests, but then pulled it away immediately, shocked by what she had felt.

Weiss's forehead had been. . . cold? Not alarmingly so, but it had been the temperature she'd expect any completely healthy person's forehead to be. Ruby frowned at this revelation, staring at her hand in shock. "Sweetie, I don't understand, you look perfectly healthy to me."

Ruby gave her a quick once-over, and, finding nothing of concern, pulled the blankets from Weiss's body to peer at her form for any signs of injury or telltale marks.

"H-hey!" Weiss snapped, sitting up at lightning speed and gathering the covers to her chest with a radiant blush. "I'm not wearing any clothes!"

A knowing smile curved the corner of Ruby's mouth. "Weiss, we're married. It's a bit too late to be modest. And more to the point, you're awfully chipper for somebody who is apparently on death's door."

Weiss's eyes widened, followed by her letting all of the tension out from her spine. She flopped back onto the bed, her pale form a would-be near-perfect imitation of a sickly person. "I don't have much time left, Ruby. My head hurts."

"Your. . . head hurts? What else is there?"

". . . That's it."

Ruby sighed, her tone resembling something akin to fond exasperation. "Weiss. You have a headache. Take a painkiller or two and try to get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

After giving Weiss a loving pat on the shoulder she turned away and began undressing in preparation for sleep. Halfway undressed, she felt an insistent tug on her combat pants.

"No, Ruby, you don't understand," Weiss pleaded. " _I'm dying_."

"I can almost guarantee that you're one-hundred percent okay," Rub countered with a giggle, tossing her shirt into the laundry basket across the room. "And if you're sick, I'll cuddle you back to health." Ruby paused thoughtfully, scratching her head. "By the way, what's that beeping noise? Did you really bring an EKG in here?"

Weiss hesitated before answering. "Well, no. Velvet wouldn't let me borrow another one, so I used my scroll."

You mean Velvet prevented you from _stealing_ another one?"

"I was going to give it back!" she shot back indignantly, sitting up again. Her words were lost on Ruby, who had entered their shared bathroom to brush her teeth. She emerged a few minutes later with a glass of water and a small pill in her hand.

"Here, take this and you'll feel better."

"I don't want to, they taste bad," Weiss pouted, looking away. "Besides, I don't think one pill is enough to stop this pain."

Ruby placed her hand on Weiss's cheek, turning her face gently back. "You'll feel better when you do. I promise. And once you take it, I'll come to bed as well."

Weiss screwed up her features, as if carefully judging the pros and cons of taking the small pill. "Well. . . I don't want to keep you from sleeping," she admitted, a hint of a blush tingeing her cheeks. She allowed Ruby to feed her the painkiller, swallowing the bitter taste with a gulp of water. She finished the rest of the water as well at Ruby's insistence that she needed to drink more to prevent headaches in the first place.

This time when Ruby lifted the covers to get into bed Weiss didn't pull them back. Ruby took her time situating herself, turning over multiple times in discomfort before eventually turning to face Weiss. "Weiss, sweetie, do you mind turning your scroll off? We should be getting some rest."

Just the thought scared Weiss. "B-but then how will I know if something bad happens?"

"Because I'm here with you. And I'll never let you get hurt, okay?"

Weiss gasped when Ruby pulled her across the bed with minimal effort, enveloping her in a warm embrace, their legs tangling together. Even though they slept together every night, she always forgot just how _warm_ Ruby always was.

"I'll hold you all night, okay? So don't worry," Ruby reassured her, snuggling her face into the crook of Weiss's neck. Her breath ran over Weiss's collarbone, raising goosebumps. "I love you Weiss. Sleep well."

She couldn't help but smile at her wife, draping an arm over her side. "I love you too, Ruby."

Enveloped in Ruby's warm aura, it was only minutes before her breathing evened and she fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Ruby woke up as the first light of day began streaming through her bay window. She turned over and sighed happily, cuddling closer to her lovely wife. At least, that had been her intention. Instead she kept reaching, until she opened her eyes in confusion to search for Weiss. Where she had previously been, only an empty stretch of bed remained.

"Weiss?" she called out sleepily, yawning. "You awake?"

When no telltale sound greeted her back, she sat up in the bed, frowning. _Weiss isn't the type to make breakfast in bed, we've had Klein for that sort of thing. And Weiss never wakes up before me which can only mean. . ._ "Oh no."

Ruby dashed from the bed and grabbed her scroll from the dresser, clicking it on.

"Oh damn," she breathed, sitting down heavily on the floor. A blinking icon greeted her, flashing with a notification that indicated she had no fewer than thirty-five missed calls. She thumbed through them, confirming what she had feared to be the case. Each missed call was from Velvet Scarlatina, the nurse at the private Schnee hospital that handled all the Mafia-related injuries and healthcare concerns.

Ruby tried calling Velvet but was sent immediately to the messaging machine. She waited for the tone to begin. "Uhh, hi Velvet. I saw you called. . . thirty-five times, so I'm trying to see what's up?"

She mentally cursed herself for being so bad at leaving messages; she was much more the letter writing type. As she spoke, she looked out the window to look over the driveway. "So I'm going to assume this is Weiss-related, and since I don't see any police cars outside, I'll guess it's a non-emergency? Well, Klein would've woken me up if it were, I suppose. . . Anyway, I'll get over there as fast as I can. Sorry for the trouble, Velvs!"

As she got dressed, she put in a call to Klein. The true paragon of a butler, he picked up on the first ring. " _Good morning Miss Rose, what can I do for you?_ "

"Ahh hi, good morning Klein! I was wondering if you've seen Weiss this morning? She's not here. . ."

" _Hmm, another disappearance then?_ " Ruby nodded her head in response, forgetting that he couldn't see the gesture. " _Well then, I'd suggest checking your scroll for any text messages she might've left. Forgive me for saying this about my mistress, but she can be quite the dramatic type on occasion._ "

"That's true," Ruby laughed in agreement. "Thanks Klein, I don't think you should worry too much about this. I'll find her and bring her home!"

" _Then I'll leave this in your capable hands, Miss Rose._ "

Knowing that Klein always waited ten seconds after a conversation to hang up, Ruby ended the call immediately so as not to waste his time. Finishing her outfit for the day with a light jacket, she darted from the room and ran through the hallways of the mansion that they called home, checking her scroll for a message. Sure enough Klein had been right, Ruby found a text message from Weiss which had been buried under the missed call notifications from Velvet.

_Dear Ruby, as you heard last night, my health is declining rapidly. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly, but I didn't want to risk waking you; you looked so peaceful in your slumber. On account of my head, I'm checking myself in at the Schnee Hospital Emergency Ward immediately._

_If I don't make it back, I need you to know that I love you more than anything, and I'll always be there for you, even in spirit form. Should the gods see fit, I may take my leave of Remnant this night. Let it be known that I didn't fight fate, and your name and my declaration of love for you were the last words that passed from my lips._

The time on the message read four-thirty in the morning, meaning Weiss had been gone for about three hours.

Ruby sighed as she laced up her boots, pocketing her scroll. Dramatic indeed. Klein has Weiss figured out to a Tee. Her sigh turned into a laugh as she entered the garage and jumped into her personal car, a remarkably boring vehicle considering the rest of the sports cars that lined the garage. Old and boring perhaps, but Ruby had grown up with this one and had poured hours of work into the engine and body. _At least I've got an interesting day ahead of me!_

The drive to the Schnee Hospital normally took a mere fifteen minutes, but the morning rush of traffic nearly doubled that time. By the time she finally arrived and parked in a VIP parking spot Ruby was tapping her feet impatiently, itching to get to the bottom of. . . whatever had happened. She still wasn't completely sure.

If she had to guess, Weiss had woken up in the middle of the night with a newly returned headache and had therefore once again extrapolated that she was dying. Without alerting anybody, she had left and checked herself into the hospital. _At least I know where she is this time._

The glass doors slid open smoothly to admit Ruby, who strode through them swiftly. The receptionist at the desk looked up at the sound of Ruby's boots on the marble floor. "Hello Miss, how can I-oh! Miss Rose, forgive me for not recognizing you sooner!"

Ruby waved her hand to dismiss the worry on the receptionist's face, "No worries! I'm here to pick up Weiss, is she here?" The receptionist took a moment to check a register of patients on her computer.

"She is, it looks like she checked herself in at. . . four forty-five this morning?" Ruby groaned, bringing a palm to her face.

"Yep, that's her. What room is she in?"

The receptionist pointed her to the correct wing, leaving Ruby to bolt up the stairs at high speed. While she wasn't truly worried about Weiss, hospitals had always made her nervous, something about the bright white lights and the sterility of the environment felt alien to her. She nearly crashed into a medical cart on her way, careening sideways into a wall just in time to miss it.

Fewer than sixty seconds from when she had left the front desk, Ruby burst into the room her eyes immediately searching out Weiss. Weiss lay prone on a hospital bed, leaning back in a restful thirty degree tilt. A small medical clamp was attached to her finger. She opened her eyes as Ruby entered, widening them in surprise.

"Ruby?"

"Ah, Ruby," echoed a second voice which belonged to Velvet Scarlatina, who swiveled on her stool to face her, "I was wondering when you would get here." Velvet had dark rings under her eyes and her rabbit ears drooped with fatigue. Her normally cheerful demeanor would evidently be taking a backseat for today's conversation.

"I'm sorry I missed your calls Velvs!" Ruby burst out, bowing her head. "Normally I would've woken up, but I hadn't slept in more than forty hours, and -

"It's okay Ruby," Velvet cut her off. She swiveled again to regard Weiss. "I was surprised when Weiss showed up saying that she was about to die, but I'm glad it was me who was here for it. I'm not sure if the other nurses know Weiss's personality well enough to deal with- _take care of_ her." She coughed to cover up her misstep.

"I'm really sorry we caused you trouble!" Ruby bowed her head again, this time in gratefulness.

"That's why I'm here," Velvet laughed, her smile not reaching her eyes. Truly, she looked as if she was ready to nod off at any moment.

"Hey! Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Weiss finally burst out, evidently tired of being ignored. "I legitimately thought I was dying you know!" Ruby and Velvet exchanged a glance.

"Well?" Ruby began.

"She's fine," Velvet answered immediately. "Slightly dehydrated maybe, she just needs to drink more water."

"What did I just say!" Weiss blurted out.

"Sorry," Velvet apologized, turning to face her, " _You_ need to drink more water, Weiss Schnee."

"Speaking of, why didn't you wake me up?" Ruby asked, taking a seat on the bed near Weiss's feet. "If you were this serious I would've driven you here. And if not me, why didn't you ask Klein for a ride?"

Weiss looked bashfully at the covers, suddenly taking great interest in the fabric. "I didn't want to disturb your respective sleep schedules with my issue."

Ruby rolled her eyes good-naturedly, taking her wife's hand. "Weiss, were _married._ Your problems are my problems."

"I know," Weiss acknowledged quietly.

"As for Klein, try to give him a little credit," Ruby added, patting Weiss's hand, "if you don't let him dote on you from time to time, how will he feel useful?"

Velvet interrupted them by jumping from her stool, removing hanging up her white scrub jacket. "Well, I'm going to head home for the day. I want to catch a few hours of sleep before Coco gets home from Atlas."

"Say hi to her from us!" Ruby called out before Velvet closed the door behind her, leaving Ruby and Weiss alone in the hospital room.

A pair of arms encircled her, Weiss dragged Ruby down to the hospital bed in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry I made you worry, Ruby."

"That's okay Weiss, I'm not mad. But. . . maybe next time you can wake me up?"

Weiss nodded, her chin stirring the fabric of Ruby's shirt. "I promise."

"Thank you. Come on Weiss, let's get you home, and then we can make breakfast!" Ruby suddenly said with renewed energy, pulling Weiss gently from the bed. Weiss still wore her nightgown from last night, so Ruby removed her signature red and black jacket, draping it over Weiss's slight shoulders.

"You know," Weiss began thoughtfully, allowing herself to be led down the hospital hallway, "maybe we should let Klein make it for us. I haven't let him dote on me for a while."

"Oh that's a great idea!" Ruby squealed happily, gripping Weiss's hand tighter. "Do you think he'll make me chocolate chip cookies?"

Weiss gasped in mock horror. "Cookies? For breakfast?"

"Please?" Ruby begged, turning to her to take her other hand. "I won't spill them on the floor this time!"

"Well, I suppose so," Weiss relented, unable to say no to the force that was Ruby's puppy-dog eyes. "But you have to share!"

She smiled even as the air was crushed from her lungs by Ruby's hug.

"I love you Weiss!"

"Love you too, Ruby. Do you want to drive, or shall I?"

"I'll drive," Ruby answered, procuring and spinning the keys around her finger. She shot Weiss a sly grin over the roof of the car. "After all, you got a lot less sleep than I did."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," Weiss muttered under her breath.

"I thought you were dying last night?"

"Shut up!" Weiss called back, smiling as Ruby began to cackle. Their hands found each other's in the car, and Ruby drove from the hospital, making for their home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby’s loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It’s a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update only three days later? What is this? (A combination of witchcraft, unintelligible chanting, and a human sacrifice.) Thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, follows, and favorites! I hope you enjoy the second chapter; the levels of ridiculousness are currently skyrocketing!

Although it was still early, Weiss's shriek from the front door of their mansion alerted Ruby that although she may have the weekend off from work, it would be anything but the average lazy two-day vacation at home.

The previous night had been somewhat of a hassle for Ruby, who had spent about an hour convincing Weiss not to bother Velvet by going to the hospital for an imagined illness. To Weiss's credit she _had_ actually developed a small cough to go along with the painful cramping in her stomach, but it was nowhere near the deathly combination of Influenza, Tuberculosis, and Whooping Cough that she had misdiagnosed herself with. Ruby hadn't even been sure that that combination could exist, but she instead argued that each disease took a certain amount of time to incubate in the body; time that had not yet passed.

Eventually she was able to coax Weiss into bed with a honey-sweetened tea, and the two proceeded to fall asleep.

As it happened, Ruby and Weiss had been eating breakfast together. Weiss had made them omelets in apology for keeping Ruby up, for which Ruby was grateful. Although her cough still persisted, it hadn't worsened, a fact which Ruby took care to remind her of multiple times.

A knock on the door interrupted their breakfast, silverware going still as Ruby and Weiss shared a quizzical look. Before Ruby could make a move, Weiss took initiative and left the table to approach the door. Another round of knocks sounded before she reached it and pulled it open.

Ruby leaned back in her chair and craned her neck to see the visitor. Standing at a little under six feet tall, a young man dressed in a grey patterned jacket and black pants dominated the doorway. His boots were bulky, possibly some sort of combat brand, although Ruby was unfamiliar with the style. His silver hair shifted as he looked down at Weiss.

"Umm, hey," he spoke while raising an eyebrow at the lofted ceilings, "is this the Schnee. . . residence?"

"It is," Weiss answered curtly, crossing her arms. "Can I help you? We're in the middle of breakfast."

"Actually you can. I'm looking for a Weiss Schnee, is she around?" He spoke formally but his posture and facial expression suggested that he wasn't used to formality, a trait which Ruby found strange. Visitors of the Schnee Mansion were rarely unfamiliar with high-class etiquette. _Although_ , Ruby reminded herself, _I'm an exception to that as well_.

"I am she," Weiss answered curtly, tapping her foot with barely contained impatience. "What is your business here?"

"Oh good, I've got something I needed to discuss with you." Ruby and Weiss's attention was drawn to an attache case that the man had been carrying in his left hand. He set it on the ground and knelt to unlatch it. "My name's Mercury by the way, you called last ni-"

He was cut off as Weiss shrieked and stumbled backwards before turning and sprinting into the dining room. "Ruby! Run!"

Ruby froze, a piece of omelette inches away from her mouth. "Wha?" The fork clattered from her hand as Weiss grabbed her arm, yanking her from her seat.

"Wait!" Mercury yelled from the doorway, standing and advancing toward them, "I need to talk to you about something!"

Weiss bolted from the room, Ruby stumbling in tow. "Weiss! What's going on? Why are we running?"

"That man's dangerous, we need to get to the roof! We can take the helicopter and escape!"

They careened around a corner, the faster Ruby taking the lead. She turned around mid-run and slowed, stopping Weiss. "If he's dangerous, I'll stop him! You know I can fight!"

Weiss was already shaking her head, urging Ruby to move with little success. "You can't attack him Ruby, he's too dangerous! He does this for a living!"

"He does what for a living?"

"He's a hitman, and we're in great danger! We need to get out of here now!" Puzzled, Ruby finally allowed herself to budge, once again letting Weiss lead the way.

"How do you know he's a hitman?"

"Uhh. . . well, can't you tell?"

"Not particularly!" Ruby shouted. "And why would he be after you? And why would a hitman knock on the front door?!"

Footsteps sounded behind them, getting steadily louder. Mercury was closing the distance.

"This way!" Weiss suddenly hissed, pulling Ruby sideways into a room. They crossed the short distance to a door on the opposite side, which led into a long hallway. As soon as they were through, Weiss slammed the door shut, locking it. A thud echoed through the hall as Mercury smashed into the wood on the other side, rattling the door frame.

"Damnit!" he yelled, his voice muffled by the heavy oak. "I almost had them!"

Weiss didn't' linger, leading them up a staircase and into another room on the second floor, which happened to be Weiss's study. She closed that door as well and locked it, leaning against the wood to catch her breath. Panting, she addressed Ruby, who stood confused in the center of the room. "I'm a trillionaire, and head of the Schnee Dust Company. Why wouldn't he want to kill me?"

"But killing you won't get anyone any money!" Ruby fired back, "It's not like you have an evil uncle listed in your will that's been trying to get his hands on your fortune! Winter doesn't even want her part of the inheritance, and your dad's in jail! And the rest of your family is dead!"

"Thanks for reminding me."

"I- I'm really sorry Weiss, that came out wrong. But who does this benefit?"

Her question left Weiss stumped. "Maybe the hitman? He probably got wind of my illness and wanted to take advantage of my weakened state."

"Weiss, you're not dying. Like I said last night, you're having cramps. Honestly, this happens every month, aren't you prepared to deal with it at this point?"

"It's never been this bad."

"That's what you say _every_ month."

"Then how do you explain the coughing?"

"You have a cough, Weiss, I promise it's exactly that simple."

Weiss looked away doubtfully. "I dunno. . ."

The sound of boots thudding against stairs broke them from their reverie. "He's coming," Ruby said, pulling Weiss from the doorway. "I don't understand what's going on, but if we're going to leave, now is the time. You ready?"

Weiss nodded, "It's not like I have much of a choice!"

Ruby opened the back door of the study slowly to prevent the hinges from squeaking. It didn't matter either way though, as a fist crashed through the front door, sending splinters of wood flying. The fist was removed a moment later, replaced with Mercury's face. "Found you!"

Ruby and Weiss backed through the back door, closing it to remove them from Mercury's line of sight. After a short run down another hallway, passing various doors to various rooms, the arrived at the central spiral staircase, a monolithic white marble structure that extended from the basement floors all the way to the roof. They ascended quickly, paying no mind to the loud echoing Weiss's heels and Ruby's boots made.

"With any luck, he won't be able to get to us by the time we start the chopper," Ruby panted, opening the rooftop access door and ushering Weiss through. "Strap in while I lock this it should slow him down."

The Schnee helicopter stood on the helipad, gleaming stark white under the sun. Weiss made a beeline toward it. "You don't need to tell me twice!" she called back, throwing the passenger door open. She was strapped in a moment later, placing a pair of headphones over her head.

Ruby entered from the opposite side, flipping a series of controls and switches to turn on the helicopter before strapping herself in.

"Ruby!" Weiss screamed, pointing out of her window. Ruby flashed her gaze to the rooftop access door while she fumbled with her buckles. An indentation appeared in the center of the door, bulging outward as if a great force had collided with it from the inside. Mercury's boot appeared a moment later, bursting the metal outward as his boot made a large hole in the metal. He withdrew it and kicked again, widening the hole.

"Damnit!" Ruby growled, fiddling with controls. The propeller began spinning, blades cutting through the air. "We'll make it, but it's gonna be close!"

Mercury's next kick knocked the door from its hinges, sending the metal flying. He came through a second later, sprinting toward the helicopter with a grimace, still holding the attache case.

"Hold on!" Ruby yelled, yanking on the steering console with all her might. The helicopter jolted upward, rocking from side to side as it gained altitude. The swinging from the rough takeoff subsided, the Schnee mansion grew steadily smaller below them until Ruby leveled out, the chopper coming to a comfortable hover.

"Holy _shit_!" Weiss gasped, leaning over her knees. "I thought he'd never stop!" Ruby let out the breath she had been holding, slumping in the pilot's seat.

"Today's been too weird for me, if anything else crazy happens. . . Well. I'll bring us to the Schnee Dust Company offices in Vale, we can land on the helipad there and rest in your office suite. Sound good?"

Weiss's hand found hers, answering by means of a gentle squeeze. "That sounds good. We can sort things out once we arrive."

Ruby nodded in agreement, pulling the chopper forward. While they flew, Ruby made the requisite calls to the military, making sure they'd be allowed to enter the Valeian airspace. Once they were cleared the rest of the journey passed by quickly, with Ruby pulling the chopper in for a landing fewer than ten minutes later.

They exited the chopper onto the roof of the Vale S.D.C. office building, a tower-like structure emblazoned proudly with the Schnee snowflake on its side. The tallest building in the city, the Vale S.D.C. offices afforded them an unparalleled view; even Patch was visible on the distant horizon. Ruby and Weiss let themselves into the building, descending a single set of stairs before Weiss keyed them into her office.

It was once they were inside that they heard the door open behind them, admitting a third person to Weiss's office.

Ruby and Weiss turned, speaking simultaneously.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh crap."

Mercury stood in the doorway. The attache case had been strapped to his belt, and he massaged his forearms roughly, flexing his fingers. Ruby threw a protective hand in front of Weiss, backing them slowly away from him.

"Did you. . . did you get here on the helicopter with us?" Ruby asked, knowing exactly how silly the question sounded out loud.

"I did actually," Mercury panted, leaning on the doorframe, "held onto the bottom rails the whole time. Nearly fell of at the beginning there." Ruby could only stare in disbelief. "Christ you two, you really gave me a run for my money!" Mercury straightened and braced himself on the doorframe, still massaging his fingers. "Well, technically you didn't. And that's why I'm here."

He looked expectantly at Weiss, as if waiting for her to say something. "What do you mean?" Ruby asked, lowering her arm.

"It was what I was trying to tell her before she screamed and started running," he said, unbuckling the attache case from his waist.

"And what was that?"

Mercury looked at her incredulously. "Wait. Wait wait wait. Do you not know what's going on? She didn't tell you?"

Ruby frowned in confusion when he indicated Weiss with his free hand. "What do I not know, Weiss?"

Weiss didn't answer, suddenly taking an extreme interest in the view from her office windows.

Mercury laughed at her reaction, kneeling to open the attache case. "Your wife here put a call in last night," he explained, "she told me she wanted to call a hit on somebody."

Ruby turned to Weiss. "Is this true?"

"Well, you see. . ." Weiss responded weakly, not meeting her eyes.

"And get this!" Mercury continued, "the person she wanted to kill was Weiss Schnee!"

Ruby stayed silent for a moment, connecting the dots. She then lowered her face into her palm in defeat. "You mean Weiss paid you to kill. . . herself?"

"Yeah. It was definitely one of the weirder jobs I've gotten," Mercury shrugged, "I knew something was strange when Weiss answered the door and had the same exact voice as the caller last night. But cash is cash and a job is a job."

"I- but then. . ." Ruby stuttered utterly confused, "then why did you come up to the front door? Wouldn't you have attacked at night or something, or waited with a sniper rifle for her to be outside?"

"That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you guys this whole damn time!" Mercury opened the case, revealing stacks upon stacks of Lien. "Two million Lien. That's how much she paid me to kill her."

"And?"

"And it's all fake! These?" he held up a stack of bills and shook it before throwing it into the nearby trash can. "Counterfeit bills! Useless!"

"So you were going to kill her, but she paid you with counterfeit bills?" Ruby said slowly. Mercury nodded, prompting Ruby to address Weiss. "Honey, where did you even get counterfeit bills?"

Weiss looked away. "Umm. . ."

"And why didn't you pay him with real money?" Ruby gestured widely around them at the penthouse office, "heaven knows we have enough." Weiss stayed silent, unwilling to explain herself. _Time to pull out the big guns_ , Ruby thought, readying her intimidation abilities. Widening her stance, she placed both hands on her hips and straightened her back. "Weiss Schnee. If you don't explain yourself, I won't have sex with you for. . . two weeks!"

Weiss paled, her face somehow looking equal parts embarrassed and horrified. She immediately began talking. "It's because I thought I was dying Ruby! I wanted to leave all my money to you! I paid him fake money because I couldn't stand the thought of giving you any less than everything I own!"

Ruby gasped. "You mean. . . I'm the primary inheritor of the Schnee estate?"

"Y-yeah. That's right," Weiss answered. "Everything I have would belong to you."

"Weiss, honey, you. . . you never told me. I can't possibly accept-"

Weiss cut her off by pressing a finger to her lips. "It's not your decision to make, love. It's my estate, and if anything happens, I want you to be the one who takes care of it."

Mercury cleared his throat, still kneeling by the attache case of counterfeit Lien. "If it's all the same to you, I'd like to get this. . . _misunderstanding_ cleared up." He stood, widening his stance. Ruby was familiar with his logic. He had been payed for a job, and then gotten the money pulled from under him. If he didn't get at least some compensation for his trouble, he was liable to get violent.

"Of course. Mercury," Ruby said, crossing the room to him, "I've got an idea. How about I pay you an _actual_ four million Lien to _not_ kill my wife?"

"Deal," he immediately answered, shaking Ruby's hand. "Like I said, money is money. But, I get to keep the fake Lien."

"No problem. Do you prefer cash or a check? Because I'll give you an extra fifty-thousand if you take a check. It'd make things easier on me."

"I'll take the check," he said quickly.

 _Perks of marrying rich_ , Ruby thought wryly to herself, pulling her checkbook from her pocket, _I have enough money to pay a hitman to not kill my wife._ After she had finished writing the amount, she handed him the paper.

"Well, if ya ever need a hitman," Mercury trailed off, waving as he exited the office.

"I'll. . . keep that in mind, I guess?" she called back, unsure of how to answer. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the elevator doors close, bringing their long encounter with Mercury to an end.

Arms encircled her from behind, Weiss pressing her face into her upper back.

"This is a step up from your usual ridiculousness, Weiss. I knew you had a flair for the dramatic, but wow." When no response was forthcoming, Ruby loosened Weiss's arms and turned around to face her. "I didn't know I was the primary inheritor of your fortune, Weiss," she whispered.

Weiss buried her face into Ruby's shirt, hiding a pink rose-like blush. "It's because I love you." Her words were muffled, but Ruby managed to make them out.

"I love you too, Weiss," Ruby said back, her eyes misting. "And even if I weren't to inherit your estate, I still would."

Weiss chuckled and leaned back, her piercing blue eyes meeting Ruby's silver ones. "I know that you dolt. But you're the only person I could trust with it."

"Good thing it won't come to that. Maybe in the future you won't actively try to give me your estate. A hitman? Was that necessary?"

"I'm sorry," Weiss mumbled.

"Listen, I'll make sure you're the one who decides what to do with your money, as long as you don't actively try to give it to me."

"Our money," Weiss corrected, booping her on the nose with her forefinger. "After all, we're married."

"That we are," Ruby smiled, kissing her wife on the lips. "And I couldn't be happier."


	3. Bank Heist I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby’s loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It’s a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be split into two parts so as to keep the length a bit more consistent. I don't know how bank security works, but in my defence that isn't the point of this chapter! Just do as Weiss would, and believe that all obstacles fall away before the monolithic wealth of the Schnee empire.

That evening, the members of team RWBY left Ruby and Weiss's mansion after a filling dinner, taking one of the few nondescript vans Weiss had in her garage. Finding an unmarked and unregistered vehicle hadn't been easy, but Weiss adhered to the idea that enough money could buy you anything. While Ruby would disagree with that philosophy, Weiss _had_ managed to procure a van from a black market dealer and that was impressive enough to keep Ruby from arguing. This time.

The sun had long set when they left, leaving the Vale cityscape darkened, save for the occasional streetlight. Yang guided the van through the city streets, eventually pulling it to a stop on the curb, shutting off the lights. With the tinted windows, any passers-by would assume the van was empty.

The reason for the secrecy and stealth revolved around a man named Arthur Watts who, in Weiss's words was "basically the Mistral equivalent of Jacques Schnee." Much like the now-imprisoned Jacques Schnee, Arthur Watts was the C.E.O. of a megacorporation, although his area of interest tended to stray more toward banking rather than resource development and military investments.

As it was, Watts had kept a fairly low profile in the world of Remnant's richest, only shooting into the stratosphere of monetary earning in the last two years. His growth had been marked with multiple business takeovers and likely a fair share of shady deals- deals which Weiss had made it her personal mission to bring to light.

It was for this reason that she and the rest of team RWBY were currently sitting in a suspiciously non-suspicious van a block away from the entrance of a bank. "You all remember the plan, right?" Weiss whispered, narrowing her eyes against the low light inside the van.

"Weiss, we've been over this a thousand times," Yang groaned, leaning back in her seat. "How could I forget when you've beaten it so far into my head?"

"Excellent, then one more can't possibly kill you," Weiss retorted, glaring. "Be serious Yang, this may be our only chance to expose Watts for what he is. He's gotten wealthy far too fast to be doing everything legally, and I intend to find out what he's up to, and stop it. Him bringing his banking company into Vale was a declaration of war, and I intend to treat it as such."

"Maybe he's just a really smart businessman?" Yang mused, her words not really an argument rather than idle chatter.

Blake silenced her, placing a hand on Yang's upper arm, "Come on Yang, Weiss knows her stuff. She may be dramatic, but she's never been wrong about this sort of thing. This was- _is_ her world."

"I am not dramatic!" Weiss huffed, crossing her arms.

"You're a little dramatic," Ruby teased, poking her in the cheek. "But that's why we love you."

"Just stick to the plan," Weiss sighed, unwilling to argue.

"Yeah yeah, I will," Yang laughed. "Ruby and Blake will break into the bank from the roof, disabling any alarms and unlocking any doors they find along the way. You and I will follow and we'll sweep the building until we find Watts's office. When we get there, you'll identify and copy any useful documents while Ruby makes a copy of the computer hard drive. After that, we make our daring escape!" Weiss blinked in surprise, earning a smile from Yang. "Simple stuff, really."

"I'm. . . impressed," Weiss admitted. "I'd prefer to avoid it, but if the police do arrive on-scene-"

"Then I'll keep them busy," Yang finished, cracking her knuckles. "I hope I get to use the smoke grenades!"

" _Where_ did you get smoke grenades?!"

"From Nora!"

Weiss lowered her face into her palms.

"Worst comes to worst, you can probably bribe them," Blake chimed in. "I'm sure the Vale Police Department owes the S.D.C. some favors, no?"

"While that's true, I'd prefer to avoid that," Weiss grimaced, "the less contact the better. Watts isn't a small fry, getting into a legal battle with him would not be good for publicity. I'd prefer to stay completely anonymous."

"Can do," Yang responded with confidence, wrapping an arm around Blake's shoulders. "This is gonna be a breeze! Get the docs, throw an old man in jail, get the girl!"

Blake rolled her eyes at Yang's excitedness, "What about robbing a bank makes you think you'll 'get the girl?'"

"Cause after the bank, your heart is next on my list of things to steal," Yang answered, waggling her eyebrows. The occupants of the van groaned collectively.

"You've been dating for four years," Weiss complained, "are you ever going to get less cheesy?"

"Nope!"

* * *

In all fairness, everything about the heist went perfectly at first. Ruby and Blake disabled the alarms on the roof before unlocking the door, allowing Weiss and Yang to enter behind them. Blake rushed through the hallways, more a flickering shadow than a person, and broke into the security office with the help of an electronic lockpick.

Blake appeared before the rest of team RWBY a minute later, proudly declaring the building alarms silenced. With their major obstacles gone, Yang and Blake split off and began doing rounds of the building, keeping an eye out for extra security or the Vale police. Weiss and Ruby found Watt's personal office after five minutes of searching and let themselves in by temporarily disabling the electronic door. Ruby immediately made herself comfortable on the leather chair, taking a moment to look pleased with herself before booting up the computer.

With the aid of an automatic lockpick, Weiss began searching through drawers and file cabinets filled with documents with gloved hands, occasionally pausing to look more carefully at the papers. Every now and then she'd sigh, replacing the documents exactly as she found them.

Ruby's fingers flew over the computer keys faster than the eye could follow, the bank security doing little to stand against the combination of her wit and military-grade computer hacking equipment. Every press of a key and every click of the mouse opened the defenses of Watt's personal files before her.

She and Weiss worked quickly in tandem, Ruby copying the hard drive to a portable drive while Weiss searched through paper records of sales and dealings for any sign of illegality.

They were interrupted about fifteen minutes later by Blake and Yang bursting through the door. They hadn't bothered to disable the lock, thereby triggering a loud siren to begin blaring throughout the building. The lights in the bank automatically came on in full, bathing the hallways in bright white.

All the measures they had used to break into the bank were temporary; alarms would be going off left and right by morning. To be completely stealthy would've taken more time and planning, a luxury they didn't have. "Better to wreak havoc and escape with the evidence than to never get anything," Weiss had said. However, having alarms go off while they were still _inside_ defeated the purpose altogether.

Weiss whirled to face them, startled by their entrance. "Blake, Yang, what the hell!" she shouted, gritting her teeth. "You tripped the alarms!" Ruby kept working throughout the whole ordeal, fingers typing at max speed, her eyes never leaving the screen as bits of code flashed across it.

"There's no time, we need to get out of here!" Yang panted, grabbing Weiss's wrist. "The cops are here, and they're not the kind that asks questions!"

Weiss paled, turning to Ruby.

"Thirty seconds," Ruby answered without prompting.

"Hurry!" Blake hissed, grabbing the stack of documents that Weiss had placed on the corner of the desk and stuffing them into her backpack. "These are the right ones, right?"

"Yes," Weiss answered. "How did the cops even know to come here?"

"No idea," Blake growled, "but they're stuck outside the front door- at least until they can drill through it. Seems like Watt's didn't entrust the Vale police with a master key for his bank."

Weiss snorted in derision. "Idiot. He had this coming. Ruby?"

"Ten seconds!"

A loud crash and the sound of shattering glass from the front of the bank grabbed their attention, followed by shouting voices. A deep voice that sounded as if it belonged to a seven foot tall man became audible over the rest. "Spread out and sweep the building! They can't have gotten far! Weapons free! Shoot to wound and incapacitate, but don't kill!"

Weiss shared a look with Yang and Blake, both of whom had paled.

"It's Yatsuhashi, head of the Vale police!" Yang whispered, "He's never let anyone get away! This is serious, we need to jet, _now_!"

"Ruby!"

"Done!" Ruby cried, yanking a cord from the computer and palming the portable drive. "Let's go!"

The four bolted from Watt's office, sprinting toward the back of the bank to reach the staircase that would bring them to the rooftop.

A voice rang out behind them as they sprinted down the hallway. "Contact! Four targets!" Gunshots began ringing out, bullets whizzing past them missing by narrow margins.

"Up up up!" Yang shouted, ushering the other three girls up the staircase before following suit.

"They're escaping from the roof!" Yatsuhashi yelled, his voice carrying throughout the bank. "Form a perimeter and watch for ziplines or grappling hooks!"

The RWBY heist team emerged onto the roof, Ruby immediately peeking over the edge of the building to assess the situation. Police officers were spreading out quickly, forming a circle around the building. "They're everywhere. We're gonna need to make a dash for the van," Ruby warned.

"Shit!" Weiss exclaimed. "Alright Yang, it looks like it's your time to shine. You ready?"

"Am I ever!" the blonde smiled, cracking her neck and swinging her arms. "I get to use the smoke bombs!"

"Please don't sound so enthusiastic about this."

Yang disregarded Weiss's advice, running over to the edge of the building and jumping off while hooking a grappling hook on the edge. She descended at nearly terminal velocity, dropping three smoke bombs. They detonated as she landed, filling the entire alley and half the street with viscous pink smoke.

Ruby could almost imagine how excited Nora would be when she saw the morning news. Then, she was jumping off the edge of the building and her mind focused. The smoke made an audible _poof_ when she hit it, the pink cloud enveloping her completely. Blake and Weiss touched down beside her, something she heard rather than saw.

Yang grabbed onto her arm, an action Ruby repeated to Blake, who in turn grabbed Weiss, forming a chain to keep from getting lost. Loud footsteps echoed throughout the alley, police officers searching through the smoke with flashlights.

"Find them, they're still in the smoke!" Yatsuhashi shouted, the location of his voice suggesting he had exited through the front of the bank and was standing somewhere near the mouth of the alley.

Ruby's arm jerked suddenly as Yang took off, pulling their human daisy chain through the pink haze.

"I hear them!" a voice shouted out.

"Don't shoot in the smoke!" Yatsuhashi bellowed. "Wait for a clear line of sight!"

Their group sprinted past multiple officers, each of which began to give chase as they heard them. A moment later they burst through the edge of the smoke cloud, Yang letting go of them and making a beeline for the van.

"There they are!" Yatsuhashi yelled from behind, "take them down!"

Bullets began whizzing by them again, smashing into the ground and sparking off the pavement. Yang opened the door and dove into the van, jamming the keys into the ignition and turning it on as fast as she could. Blake was the next to reach the van, sliding over the hood and jumping into the passenger seat.

WIth the whir of the engine and squeal of tires on the pavement, Yang floored the gas and pulled the van into a one-eighty spin, displaying the back doors for Ruby and Weiss. Sprays of bullets impacted the van, leaving craters and holes. Ruby jerked open the rear door and pulled Weiss into the back with her, the two diving onto the rough carpeting, landing on their sides.

Weiss scrambled to her knees and reached out for the back door as Yang gunned the engine, sending the van careening down the street. As Weiss slammed the door shut she fell backwards with a scream of pain. She landed flat on her back, blood splattering the floor.

"Weiss!" Ruby screamed, hovering over her wife as the van sped down the streets. "Weiss, talk to me! What happened!"

"I've. . . I've been shot," she replied weakly, her eyes widening as she raised her hand and saw her own blood. Tears began streaking down her face. "I. . . Ruby, it hurts."


	4. Bank Heist II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby's loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It's a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a content generating machine! I hope you all enjoy chapter four, and thanks to all that read, review, comment, and favorite!

"Weiss!" Ruby screamed, hovering over her wife as the van sped down the streets. "Weiss, talk to me! What happened!"

"I've. . . I've been shot," she replied weakly, her eyes widening as she raised her hand and saw her own blood. Tears began streaking down her face. "I. . . Ruby, it hurts."

Ruby surveyed the wound. From the looks of it, a bullet had found its mark and entered Weiss's shoulder. Ruby couldn't feel an exit wound on the other side, meaning the bullet was lodged in Weiss's shoulder muscle somewhere.

"What's going on back there!" Blake yelled, leaning from her seat.

"Weiss took a hit to the shoulder!" Ruby yelled back, pressing on Weiss's wound with both her hands to stem the flow of blood. "It's not too serious, but it needs treatment."

"Shit," Blake breathed. "Alright, keep pressure on it, make sure she doesn't freak out. It's gonna be a little bit before we can treat her."

"Gotcha! Weiss, honey, I need you to be strong for me. You're gonna be okay," Ruby promised, doing her best to give Weiss her most kind smile.

"Ruby. . . You need to leave me behind," Weiss gasped. "I'll only slow you down."

Ruby shook her head. "We're already in the van Weiss, it's gonna be okay."

"But I could act as a distraction!" she said, trying to sit up, "With my dying breath I can save you!" Ruby forced her back to the ground.

"You're not going to die Weiss, you took a hit to the shoulder, it's not life threatening!"

"I can feel it, Ruby, this is more than a mere flesh wound," she argued, some of the color returning to her face as she became more angry. "Don't waste what little time I've got left, you need to dump me out the back so I can hold them off!" She began stretching out her right hand, straining to reach the handle that would open the back of the van.

"Weiss! Weiss, stop," Ruby chastised, holding Weiss's arm down on the floor. "You're going to be fine, but I need you to hold still until we can get you to the hospital. Stop struggling!"

Weiss strained against her grip again, falling back to the floor with a groan as she strained her injured shoulder. The fight seemed to leave her as she looked up at Ruby again, trust in her eyes. "I don't want to die, Ruby," she whispered. "There were so many things I wanted to do with you still."

"And we will," Ruby promised, leaning over her to brush their foreheads together. "I won't let you die, I promise. You're gonna be okay." To her surprise, Weiss nodded in understanding. "Try to rest, okay? I'm gonna stay here and put pressure on your shoulder, I won't go anywhere."

"Y-yeah. Okay." Laying her head back, Weiss focused on her breathing, hoping that regular breathing patterns would reduce the panic that threatened to rise in her chest.

Yang pulled the van into the Schnee Hospital underground parking lot less than fifteen minutes later, having driven in a wide loop through Vale so she could lose the police. "Guess Yatsuhashi doesn't have a perfect record against criminals anymore!" she joked loudly, immediately silencing herself when she looked into the back of the van and saw that Ruby and successfully calmed Weiss down.

When the van came to a stop, Yang and Blake were the first to exit, walking around and opening up the back. Weiss lay still, most of her jacket covered in blood. Ruby hovered above her, pressing her palms over Weiss's shoulder wound, her hands likewise bloodstained. From an outsider's point of view, the scene would've looked especially harrowing; Yang and Blake merely reached in and helped Ruby remove Weiss from the back.

"I need a wheelchair," Weiss stated as she placed her feet on the ground, held up by Ruby who had Weiss's uninjured arm draped over her shoulder. Blake and Ruby shared a look of confusion.

"But it's your shoulder that's wounded?" Ruby said, her statement more of a question. "It seems you can walk just fine."

"You dolt," Weiss breathed, "if I walk, I'm going to bleed out. I need to keep my heartrate as low as I can."

Ruby and Blake shared yet another look, this time with raised eyebrows. After a shrug, Blake disappeared through the sliding glass doors of the hospital. Arguing with Weiss was an uphill battle most of the time, but arguing with an _injured_ Weiss was categorically impossible at best.

Team RWBY entered the hospital a minute later, Blake having returned with one of the wheelchairs normally reserved for those that needed them. Ruby wheeled Weiss to the front desk, ignoring the shocked look on the nurse's face. "Good evening!" she greeted her cheerfully, "We're going to need Velvet tonight, can you call her for us?"

The nurse scratched her head, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry miss, Velvet is busy right now, but I'll get you an excellent nurse, don't you worry!" She picked up the desk scroll and began dialing.

"Oh that won't be necessary," Ruby started to explain, at the same time that Weiss snapped from her wheelchair, "I'm Weiss Schnee!"

The nurse immediately paled, the scroll going limp in her hand. Ruby facepalmed, forgetting that her hands were covered in Weiss's blood, effectively placing a large red handprint over her forehead. Leveraging the Schnee name always left her embarrassed, a fact of which Weiss was aware; evidently an in-pain Weiss could care less.

"I'm so sorry Miss Schnee, I'll get her right away," the nurse apologized, bowing slightly. "She'll be down in less than a minute!"

Weiss merely sighed and leaned back in the wheelchair. The next forty-five seconds were spent with Ruby, Yang, and Blake trying not to pay attention to the nurse, who nervously shuffled through papers without actually looking at them. The relief on her face was plainly visible when Velvet came through the set of double doors at the end of the lobby.

"Weiss, what in the world are you doing here?" Velvet asked, then, noticing the rest of team RWBY, she said, "oh hey guys, guess it makes sense that you're here too." Ruby, Yang, and Blake looked guiltily away from her. "So? What brings you here?" Velvet finally asked.

"Can't you tell?" Weiss hissed back, "I'm about to die! I need to get to the ICU!"

"I can see you're injured, yes."

"She got shot in the shoulder," Yang explained, attempting to clear up the confusion.

". . . Then she's not dying," Velvet eventually said.

"I _am_ dying, thank you very much!" Weiss spat, removing her hand from her shoulder. "See? I'm bleeding out!"

Velvet sighed, all her tiredness contained within that one breath. "Alright, follow me. I'll get you fixed up." She began walking, evidently too tired to argue. Ruby followed suit, pushing Weiss in front of her, while Yang and Blake trailed them. After a few twists and turns, Velvet led them to a small hospital room in which Blake and Yang immediately made themselves comfortable by cuddling together on the loveseat. As Velvet snapped on a pair of gloves, Ruby coaxed Weiss onto the examination table where she lay flat.

"Okay, I'm going to start by cutting off your shirt and jacket, is that okay?" Velvet asked, brandishing a pair of scissors.

"This jacket costed me nearly two-thousand Lien."

"I know, you bought it from my girlfriend's clothing company. And it's ruined anyway, look at all the bloodstains." Weiss took a moment to acknowledge the truth in Velvet's statement. "I'm going to cut it whether or not you say yes, by the way, Velvet added as an aside.

"Fine, you're the medical professional, after all," Weiss grumbled.

" _Now_ you give me recognition!" Velvet scoffed, her scissors making quick work of Weiss's clothing. "Ruby, can you help me pull this out from under her?"

"Sure thing! You lift her back, I'll pull out the jacket."

Weiss's hand latched onto Ruby's wrist before she could pull the fabric away. "Don't look, okay?" she asked, her face pink.

"Weiss, you two are _married_." It was Velvet who spoke this time. "Honestly, from the way you act I'd assume you had just started dating!"

"I like to think that getting naked is like drawing a sword," Weiss disagreed, "If you draw your blade, you have to do something with it."  
"And what's the 'blade' in this metaphor?"

"I. . . oh." Weiss said quietly, her cheeks only darkening. "Forget I said anything!"

Velvet rolled her eyes while lifting Weiss, allowing Ruby to pull the cut shirt and jacket from under her, trashing it. Weiss was left exposed on the table, but as Yang and Blake were occupying themselves sloppily on the loveseat and she was surrounded by both a medical professional and her wife, she managed not to cover herself in embarrassment.

Velvet began the procedure by sterilizing the wound, leaving Weiss to grit her teeth in pain as the stinging liquid evaporated. She returned a moment later with a syringe, waiting for Weiss's nod of approval before puncturing her skin and administering the powerful painkiller. The effect was immediately visible, Weiss lay on the table easier, no longer favoring her injured shoulder.

She inhaled sharply when Velvet began to probe her wound with gentle fingers, pressing on different portions of the surrounding skin. "Ahh! Your hands are too cold!"

"Sorry," Velvet drawled, her voice making it clear that she was in fact _not_ sorry. "I need to locate the bullet first before I can remove it, you'll just have to bear with the pain."

"Can't you use an x-ray for that?"  
Velvet shook her head. "For something this shallow there's no need. It should be relatively easy to locate."

The room fell silent as Velvet worked, the only sound a deep purring that came from the loveseat. Ruby made the executive decision not to turn around and see what exactly her sister was up to with Blake.

"Ruby, can I get you to do me a favor?" Weiss suddenly asked.

Ruby reached out to take her hand, glad for the distraction from Blake and Yang's sloppy kissing noises, "Of course sweetie, what's up?"

"I need you to call Klein and have him pack up my things."

"What? Why?"

"Since my condition may never stabilize, I've decided that I'll likely have to live the rest of my life in this hospital. That way I'll be under constant professional medical supervision in case my condition gets worse."

Ruby couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Weiss, don't be ridiculous. You'll be out and about in no time."

"A shoulder is an incredibly vital area to my body," Weiss argued, lifting her head, the motion earning a growl of displeasure from Velvet. "Who knows how extensive the damage could be? It'd be both safer and more logical for me to remain here." She spoke with surety, obviously believing every word she was saying.

"I think you're blowing this out of proportion," Ruby responded, "it's just a shoulder wound, and you're in the best hands. Velvet wouldn't let you leave if she didn't think it was safe, right Velvs?"

"What if I get blood poisoning or something?" Weiss asked, grasping at straws.

"The Vale Police Department doesn't use lead bullets," Velvet said. "Their bullets are made from a surgical steel alloy, they can't poison you no matter how long they remain in your body."

"But what if-"

" _Weiss_ , you're going to be fine," Velvet interjected. "Doctor's guarantee. In fact, I've already removed the bullet." She held up her forceps, showing off a slightly flattened bullet. Weiss looked at the metal ball in amazement, her eyes following as Velvet dropped it into a small tray of antiseptic liquid.

"I didn't feel a thing."

"I'm a good doctor," Velvet bragged, pulling a suture kit from the nearby cabinets. "And enough with the 'I need to move into the hospital' nonsense. You're going to be fine."

Weiss looked hesitant, her face suggesting that she wanted to believe Velvet, but was slightly too scared to trust her completely. "If. . . If you're one hundred percent sure."

"I am. Now sit tight while I stitch you up. By the way, what were you doing to get the police to shoot at you?"

"How did you know it was the police, anyway?" Ruby asked, tilting her head. "You mentioned it earlier, how did you find out?"

Velvet chuckled, pulling a line of string through Weiss's wound, closing it little by little. "Let's just say that you aren't the first friends of mine that've taken a bullet from them."

Blake groaned at the comment, evidently paying attention to something other than Yang, "You mean Sun, right? He doesn't know how to stay out of trouble."

"Indeed, it's caused me a bit of trouble, if I'm being honest. Although, those boys are usually more the type to walk in with taser burns, rather than bullet wounds. What were you doing to provoke the police like that?"

Ruby and Yang responded at the same time, Yang being honest, and Ruby attempting to cover them. "We robbed a bank."

"We got caught in the crossfire of Yatsuhashi and some thieves. . ." Ruby trailed off once she realized that Yang had blurted out the truth. "Well, something like that."

"Oh my," Velvet laughed, "what in the world tempted you to rob a bank?"

"We can't say, but it was for a good cause," Weiss assured her. "So. . . if you could not tell Yatsuhashi, we'd really appreciate it."

"I'll trust you on this one, since you've been such a good patient today." Velvet wrapped up the stitching, tying the suture string in a knot and cutting it deftly. A bandage came next, plastered over Weiss's shoulder and stretching onto her back. "Now, don't make an rigorous movements with that arm, but also don't favor it too much," Velvet advised, helping Weiss to lean up on the table. "It's going to hurt quite a bit, so make sure to take painkillers daily. Otherwise, treat it normally. If something hurts, don't do it."

"Sounds simple enough," Weiss nodded, accepting the loose shirt that Velvet handed over. Ruby helped her place her arm through it, buttoning up the front. "Thanks again Velvet, I know I can count on you."

"You're lucky I get paid for overtime," Velvet sighed in mock exasperation.

"You're lucky I built this hospital and put you in charge!" Weiss fired back with a smile.

Team RWBY left the hospital, exiting through the front doors this time and piling into the the vehicle that pulled up to the front. Klein greeted them with a smile as they entered the miniature limousine. "Sounds like you ladies have had an interesting night!"

"We did," Yang yawned, "we'll tell you the whole story in the morning over breakfast! Will you be there to join us?"

"Please," Klein scoffed, "you and I both know that I'll be the one making it, Miss Yang."

"You always make it best!" she replied cheerfully.

Ruby made sure Weiss was comfortable in her seat before buckling herself in. As they pulled away, Weiss leaned into her shoulder, her breathing evening as she closed her eyes.

"Love you," Ruby whispered into her hair.

"You too," Weiss mumbled, already half asleep.


	5. Medical Emergency! I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby's loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It's a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Like last time, this chapter will be split into two parts due to length (and cliffhangers). This chapter especially is influenced by Pigs and Battleships, and is actually the first one I planned out! I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> As always, thanks to those who read, review, follow, and favorite!  
>  __
> 
> * * *

Unexpectedly it was Ruby who woke up at midnight, clutching her stomach in pain. While certainly not the most intense pain she had experienced, she wasn't _happy_ about it by any means. Getting up was a chore, but she managed to walk herself into the bathroom and grab two painkillers, downing them with gulps of ice cold water. Sleep beckoned her again, Ruby burrowed into the blankets and allowed her mind to go blank as the pills kicked in.

Ruby awoke again, this time the pain in her stomach much worse. The bedside clock read only a few hours later, meaning it was still the middle of the night. Without warning bile rose in her throat, Ruby leaned over the edge of the bed just in time to vomit onto the floor. She vomited a second time immediately after, now choking on mostly liquid.

When she was sure she had finished, she gathered what little strength she could muster and rolled over to tug at the sleeve of Weiss's nightgown, shaking her awake. Weiss blinked groggily, yawning. "Ruby? What's going on?"

"Weiss, my stomach hurts really bad. I tried taking painkillers, but it feels. . . like it's burning."

Weiss was up and out of the bed in less than a second, throwing off her nightgown and replacing it with the closest clothing available. "Tell me what happened Ruby, what's going on?"

Ruby wiped her mouth clean, for all the world feeling pitiful and helpless. "I woke up in pain a few hours ago, but managed to fall back asleep. But I just threw up all over the floor and-" tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over. More than anything, she hated feeling helpless and not in control of her own body. Weiss was at her side in a second, enveloping her in a warm embrace.

"Shh, shh, it's okay love. You're alright. I'm here for you. We're going to get you to the hospital, okay?" Ruby nodded, allowing Weiss to dry her tears with the edge of her sleeve. "I'll help you up, do you think you can walk?"

"I think so, I'll let you know." Weiss slung Ruby's arm over her shoulder, pulling her from the bed and taking as much of her weight as she could carry. Ruby sucked in a sharp breath during the ordeal, but shook her head when Weiss looked at her questioningly. "I'm okay."

Albeit slowly, Weiss half walked-half carried Ruby down to the garage, laying her gently in the passenger seat of her fastest car, a shining white sports vehicle with inlaid silver snowflake designs. After buckling herself in they sped away at nearly breakneck speeds, her concern for Ruby's comfort the only thing keeping Weiss from reaching the sports car's blistering top speed.

They arrived at the hospital within five minutes, Weiss silently thanking whatever lucky stars that were responsible for keeping traffic and law enforcement vehicles off the roads- although she wouldn't have stopped for them anyway.

A small cadre of nurses ran out to greet them as the vehicle screeched to a halt in front of the ICU. Helping them lift Ruby onto a gurney while they talked in quick voices, Weiss followed as they wheeled her wife into the hospital, holding her hand the entire time. Her voice trembled, but she steeled herself and explained the situation as best she could, making sure to leave nothing out.

At a certain point Weiss was made to stay back, watching helplessly as Ruby was wheeled through a set of doors and whisked from her view. The nurse that had stopped her lowered the arm she had used to bar Weiss's entrance, placing it around her shoulders. "She'll be alright Miss Schnee, she's in the best of hands."

"I just want to be there for her," Weiss said softly, already knowing that she wouldn't be able to. It was a rare thing for a Schnee to be told no, but Weiss recognized this as one of those few times and was doing her best to take it in stride.

"I know Miss Schnee, but we can't let anybody but patients and hospital personnel into the ICU, not even you." The nurse's words were spoken gently, but they did little to make Weiss feel better. Every second that Ruby was out of her sight her imagination came up with more and more horrific scenarios, each involving the untimely death of her beloved wife.

Weiss wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, forcing a deep breath into her lungs. _I need to be strong for her._ Her expression became hard, her spine straightened, her jaw set. "I'll be in the lobby should anything come up," she addressed the nurse, "please do your best."

"We will, Miss Schnee," the woman promised. "Your wife is in good hands."

* * *

Weiss was awoken by a light tap on her shoulder. It took her a minute of staring to realize that she was in the Schnee Hospital lobby, and not her own bed. The bright lights swam while her eyes adjusted to the first rays of dawn.

She had thought that the stress of Ruby's condition would've made it impossible to sleep but even her mind had its limits, it seemed. She groggily checked the clock, calculating that she'd been asleep for the better part of two hours. The nurse that had awoken her was the same woman who had barred her entrance to the ICU; Weiss looked up at her expectantly, crossing her fingers.

"Miss Rose is in stable condition," the nurse said with a smile, "she has a stomach ulcer, that's what's been causing her pain and inducing her to vomit."

"Oh," Weiss breathed, "I admit, I don't know what that means. Is she going to be okay?"

"She'll be just fine, but we're going to have to keep her here for another day so we can monitor her condition. We need to find out what's causing the ulcer, and from there we can either begin administering antibiotics or starting her on a special diet. We also need to do some bloodwork to see if she's genetically predisposed to this sort of thing."

Weiss shook her head in confusion, "You mean you're not sure what's caused it?"

"Not yet," the nurse admitted, "but we'll be doing x-rays and blood tests today and tomorrow to find the root of the problem. Rest assured, she _will_ be completely okay."

"I'd like to see her," Weiss said, her words suggesting a command rather than a request.

"She's awake now, we've moved her into the general wing," the nurse explained, leading Weiss from her seat and through a set of double doors. After traversing a long hallway, they emerged into a different section of the hospital, which boasted a slightly different architectural style than the ICU.

An elevator brought them to a single room on the eastern wall of the building, the nurse taking her leave before Weiss opened the door. Ruby was lying down when Weiss entered, but moved to sit up when she noticed her standing in the doorway. "Weiss!"

"Ruby!" Weiss breathed, rushing over to the bedside and wrapping her arms around her. "I'm so glad you're safe! I was so worried!"

"I'm glad too, I was really scared for a while!" Ruby buried her face in Weiss's neck, clutching her tightly. "I'm glad you're here."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep, but the doctors wouldn't come let me see you,"Weiss complained, "have you managed to get any rest?"

Ruby shook her head, releasing Weiss and leaning back to her reclined position. "Not yet, they had to do a few x-rays, and before that I had to drink a glass of really gross liquid!" She screwed up her face in disgust, mimicking the expression she had doubtless made when she drank it. "It almost made me throw up a third time."

"I'm familiar with the stuff," Weiss groaned, "the sweetener almost makes the taste worse."

"I know!" Ruby looked to the side, a forlorn expression crossing her face. "I'm sorry I made you worry Weiss. But I'm going to be fine, I don't want you to be scared."

Weiss reached over and gently offered her hand, which Ruby gratefully took. "I won't, you're in the best of hands." Looking at the dark rings under Ruby's eyes brought a sigh to her lips. "You must be exhausted. Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

"I think I will, thanks Weiss. Don't feel like you need to stay here on my account, I know you have plenty of work to do back at home."

"I'll stay here until you're asleep at least," Weiss promised, hopping onto the bed beside her. After a few seconds of shifting she curled herself around Ruby, although her stature made her a less than perfect big spoon. "Call me first thing when you wake up, okay?"

"I promise," Ruby mumbled, already drifting off. "You'll be the first to know."

It didn't take long for Ruby to fall asleep, a mixture of painkillers and light sleeping medication allowing her to rest without feeling pain in her stomach. Weiss stayed for half an hour longer anyway, loathe to leave her in-pain wife. But in the end, Ruby was right; she did have work to do.

With a quiet sigh Weiss extricated herself from the blankets and padded out of the room, taking one last glance at Ruby. She hadn't shifted, looking for all the world like a corpse swathed in white funeral sheets. Weiss shook her head violently at the intrusive thought, closing the door as she left the room, buffeted again by the uncomfortably bright hospital lights.

She left swiftly, keen on getting her work done by the time Ruby woke up so they could enjoy a long conversation over scroll. While she'd prefer to visit Ruby in person, especially while she was in the hospital, Ruby wouldn't want her to bother with the drive. _"I'll just see you when I get home, so you don't need to trouble yourself,"_ Weiss could already picture her saying.

The drive back to the mansion was uncomfortably quiet, Weiss lasted about a quarter of the distance before turning on the radio. The rough voices of Vale's most popular were nowhere near easy on the ears, but they were preferable to the silence. By the time she got home her fingers itched to work; she spent the next hours in front of her computer manipulating stocks and making investments without pausing for food or drink. It wasn't until Klein came in with a trey of weak tea that she looked up from her screen.

"Miss Ruby will be alright," he promised, placing the teacup gently on the corner of Weiss's desk. "She's always been the strong type you know." He smiled, but the sadness in his eyes suggested he was familiar with Weiss's plight.

"I know, Klein. I just have trouble concentrating when I know she's in pain. Thanks for making me tea." Weiss ran her hands over her tired eyes before picking up the teacup and holding it close to her face, her facial muscles relaxing as the steam wafted over her skin. "I'll stop here soon, maybe go for a run or something."

Klein nodded before leaving, casting a worried glance her way as he closed the door. Weiss returned to her work, but made sure to occasionally sip at the tea.

* * *

It was evening when the thought hit her. Connections formed in her head; the horrifying truth revealing itself to Weiss as she lay in bed.

_I am the head of the richest company in the word - my wealth is far greater than my top three competitors combined. I could be considered to have the most influence in the world, and it is public knowledge that Ruby is my wife._ She paused for a moment, her fears solidifying and becoming more coherent.

_The Schnee Hospital, a hospital founded in my name, would do their best to run according to my wishes. Therefore, if something were really wrong with Ruby, it's very likely that they wouldn't tell me for fear of angering me._

Pulling out her scroll, a quick search on Remnant M.D. only served to further confirm her suspicions. "Vomiting, stomach pain, sleeplessness, acid reflux," she read aloud, her voice becoming tighter with every word, "are all symptoms of late-stage stomach cancer!"

Weiss was up and out of bed in less than a second, pulling on the nearest clothes available. _Think Weiss, think! If Ruby has stomach cancer and the hospital doesn't want me knowing about it, how can I find out the truth?_ "Aha!" she exclaimed, "I need to find her x-rays and confirm it for myself!"

She began undressing again as she found her answer, searching desperately through her closet for anything that resembled a nurse outfit. _The x-rays are kept in the hospital records; I need to sneak in and find the records room without getting caught. From there I'll access Ruby's x-rays and find out the truth for myself!_

Her hand finally alighted on a black set of scrubs, the outfit something she had bought for Velvet's nurse-themed wedding years ago and never worn since. Donning the scrubs without a second glance, Weiss bolted from the room and down the stairs before the door even closed.

Once again selecting her fastest car, Weiss pulled out from the garage and raced down the streets of Vale for the second night in a row. Instead of driving straight toward the Schnee Hospital she pulled into a vacant parking lot a few blocks away - she preferred to approach undetected, and the telltale sound of a vehicle only Remnant's richest could by would not help her with that.

Before she got out she pulled her hair from it's ponytail, tying it up in a tight bun, doing her best to imitate Winter's style in the car's mirror. The scar over her left eye was covered with a light coating of concealer, hiding it from less scrutinous eyes.

Weiss strolled in through the general admittance a minute later, keeping her posture straight and gaze focused in front. A tactic her father had taught her long ago: people rarely questioned one's motives if they acted like they knew what they were doing. She walked past the front desk with purpose, the man behind it barely raising his head to acknowledge her existence. _Step one successful._

Now came the hard part. Weiss needed to get a hold of Ruby's x-rays, but to do so she first needed to know where they were kept. As she didn't have computer access to the hospital network, she needed to find the hardcopies. Of course she could leverage the Schnee name, but that would defeat the purpose of her sneaking in.

Her chance appeared when a nurse turned the corner at the end of the hallway ahead, slowly walking in Weiss's direction. In an action that took a great deal of mental strain, Weiss slouched slightly, widening her eyes in what she hoped would be a worried and slightly pitiful look. Raising a hand with fingers only somewhat extended, she gave a timid wave.

"Um, hello. Do you have just a minute?" she entreated the nurse. Now that she was closer Weiss could make out the details in her appearance. A woman in her mid-twenties perhaps, she had a pair of tusks extending from her upper jaw, framing the line of her cheeks until they stopped at about lip level. She wore her purple hair in a bob, which bounced ever so slightly with every step she took.

"Oh! Hi, can I help you with something?" she asked, her face adorned with a brilliant smile.

"Y-yeah," Weiss replied, forcing a stutter into her voice. "I'm new here and I'm afraid I got lost. Could you point me in the right direction?"

The woman's smile didn't fade as she placed a hand on Weiss's shoulder. Uncomfortable with her space being invaded by someone other than Ruby, Weiss barely managed to avoid brushing the woman's hand off. "Don't worry, this place is really big! I got lost my first few weeks here too, but it'll start to make sense, don't worry! Where are you going?"

_Too cheerful!_ "Thank you so much! I'm looking for the umm. . ." _shit, what was the word again?_ "X-rays!" she blurted out. Then a little quieter, "Radiology. My supervisor is going to show me the ropes today." She allowed her eyes to lower, once again forcing her body to disregard her instinctual formality and replace her steely gaze with an innocent expression.

"Well no worries, the Radiology lab is pretty easy to find!" The woman listed off the directions, pointing Weiss to the rear of the third floor. "Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything else, okay? I'll be in the break room, next to the first floor lobby if you need me."

"Thank you so much." As they parted Weiss allowed herself to walk with a sense of purpose once more, passing by various staff in the hallways and stairwell without incident. _Once this is all over, I'm going to have a serious talk with Velvet about hospital security._

She ran into her first hurdle when she reached the Radiology lab, barred from entry by a locked door. She swore under her breath. Sporting an electronic keypad, Weiss would have no choice to pick it with underground Schnee tech, an action that would look incredibly suspicious were anybody to catch her in the act.

As she was about to pull out her scroll, footsteps alerted her to an approaching presence. The nurse that had given her directions came up beside her, smirking. "So, trying to get into Radiology?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weiss Schnee is many things. The boss of the Robin Hood-esque Vale Mafia, the owner of the corporation that serves as a front to that organization, a trillionaire, and Ruby's loving wife. She is also an extremely melodramatic hypochondriac. It's a good thing Ruby is around to keep her ridiculousness at least somewhat in-check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with part 2! Hope you enjoy it - there's likely to be a delay between this chapter and the next, as I need to come up with some ideas that aren't too ridiculous. I'd like to clearly state that I am not a medical professional in any way, so please be lenient with me!
> 
> Those of you who read Fifty Caliber Cat will recognize my favorite recurring OC, Caval'Yurie Violet! I've decided she'll appear in most of my works that need an OC, so keep your eyes peeled.
> 
> As always, thanks to all who read, review, follow, and favorite!

As Weiss was about to pull out her scroll and hack her way into the lab, footsteps alerted her to an approaching presence. The nurse that had given her directions came up beside her, smirking. "So, trying to get into Radiology?"

"I. . . Yes," Weiss trailed off, her blood going cold. Had she been found out?

"Might be hard to do without your keycard."

_Shit!_

Weiss looked up at her, the woman's tone of voice making it sound like she knew some great secret. Or in this case, that she knew Weiss wasn't supposed to be here. Instead, the woman winked at her.

"I realized you weren't wearing your ID tags after I sent you up here, did you lose your cards?"

Thinking quickly, Weiss responded, "Oh, oh no. I can't believe it!" To make her acting more convincing she ran her hands over her pockets and around her neck, as if she were looking for the nonexistent missing cards. "I can't believe it, I'm so stupid." She sniffled, internally smiling in triumph when worry flashed over the woman's face.

"It's okay! Don't worry, it happens all the time!" Much to Weiss's chagrin the woman proceeded to place a hand on her back, rubbing vigorously up and down. "I can't tell you how many times I've lost mine! Just try to find it after work, alright?"

With that the woman swiped her ID across the lock, tugging the door to the lab open. "I know we're not supposed to do this, but I'll make an exception for you. You should get a lanyard when you have the chance, it makes keeping track of your keys much easier!"

"I'll do that, thank you," Weiss responded quietly, stunned into near silence by her luck.

"Maybe I'll see you around," the woman waved, allowing the door to close as Weiss entered the lab. "Oh! My name's Yurie by the way, it's nice to meet you!"

Unable to think of an alias in time, Weiss merely called, "nice to meet you too!" as the door shut. Judging by the woman's smile though, she wasn't disappointed.

Weiss returned to the task at hand, her eyes wandering over the Radiology lab. It seemed to be empty, although she didn't want to count on it staying that way. If she were seen here, the real staff would know she was a fake.

_Ruby's x-rays are going to be some of the most recent ones,_ she decided, ignoring rows of large filing cabinets in favor of approaching a desk. On its surface rested large stacks of x-rays, printed onto partially translucent sheets. It took Weiss a moment to realize the white wall was actually glass, from behind which white light poured; the wall was obviously meant to have x-rays mounted on it so they could be seen clearly.

Weiss sat down at the desk with a huff, stopping just short of grabbing the stack of x-ray sheets. Her fingers nearly touching them, she pulled her arm away and stood up quickly. _Stupid stupid stupid,_ she chided, having nearly wiped her fingerprints all over the x-ray sheets. If evidence of her crime was found, they'd be sure to find her prints, which would be troublesome. Sure, her lawyer Arslan would keep any real trouble away, but it was easier to avoid the problem in the first place.

To that end Weiss paced the lab until she found what she was looking for: a box of sterile latex gloves. She pulled them on one at a time, hoping the thin material would be enough to at least render her prints unreadable, if not completely preventing them from existing.

Back at the desk, she began thumbing through the x-rays, frowning when she realized that none of them had patient names on them, instead each was identified by a timestamp and serial number. "I can't get into the database to see which serial number corresponds to Ruby's x-rays," she muttered under her breath, holding up sheet after sheet to the illuminated wall. "I'll have to make an assumption about which ones are hers based on the timestamp. . ."

She knew the date Ruby had checked in, which made her job much easier. With that information alone she was able to sift a large stack of sheets out of her pile, placing them to the side, sure to carefully array them so they'd be in the same order that she'd found them - it took a great deal of mental strain to resist organizing the pile. The stack containing Ruby's x-rays grew steadily smaller, until she was left with fewer than ten sheets.

_Here comes the hard part._ With only a few left to choose from, she had to estimate the exact time that Ruby got her x-rays. Knowing that Ruby had checked in at about two in the morning, she removed three more x-rays that were before that time. Three more sheets were removed that had a timestamp of after six in the morning, bringing the count down to three.

It was then that a scribbled note caught her eye. A single word, followed by a memo - the contents of which threatened to make Weiss sick on the spot.

_R. Rose, patient 23476B has been diagnosed with stage three Gastric Cancer - please keep this x-ray for indexing._

When the sheet fell from her fingers, Weiss realized she was shaking uncontrollably. _Ruby, my darling Ruby has cancer?_ "No!" she yelled, slamming her fists onto the desk. A pair of teardrops landed on the sinister x-ray. "No, I refuse to believe this is possible. She's fine, I'm sure of it."

Mustering her courage, Weiss lifted the x-ray to the illuminated wall, the teardrops running down its length. Her hand shot up to her mouth as a large section of white became visible, a hideous mixture of splotches and tendrils snaking through the center of the x-ray, covering the general area of the stomach. "Oh Christ!" She slammed the x-ray back into the table, tears freely running down her cheeks, collecting where her hand met her skin. "No no no, not Ruby, _please_ not Ruby!"

Forcing her breathing to come back under her control, Weiss practically shot from the desk, taking the x-ray with her. The door to the lab blasted open under the force of her push, the handle slamming into the wall before swinging shut with a bang. Weiss was already down the hall, storming her way toward Ruby's room.

Reconstructing a map in her brain as best she could, Weiss navigated her way to the central elevator, using the time to wipe her tears away. With it came a good deal of makeup, but at this point she was past caring. No, Weiss was _furious;_ a little smudged makeup and tear stains would only serve to make her appearance all the more angry.

She was out of the elevator before the doors opened fully, halfway down the hall by the time the closed behind her. Dead ahead waited Ruby's room, the grey door impassively blocking her path.

She entered Ruby's room without knocking, throwing the door open. She stopped in surprise when she noticed Velvet directly ahead, speaking amicably to none other than Yurie, the nurse that had guided Weiss to the Radiology lab. They both turned as they heard Weiss enter, followed by Ruby leaning into view from her bed, smiling.

"Ah there she is," Velvet laughed at the same time Ruby called out to her.

"Weiss! I missed you!"

Weiss was effectively stunned into silence. "I. . . What's going on?!" Velvet and Yurie exchanged a glance, Yurie's smirk returning.

"I could ask you the same thing," Velvet answered. "What're you doing wandering around in that outfit, and why does it look like you've been crying?"

Weiss closed her mouth, which had been hanging open in shock. "You know why I'm here," she growled, "I had my suspicions at first, but I never actually believed you would lie to me! To us!"

"Weiss?" Ruby's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Weiss, what's going on?"

"Weiss has been-" Velvet stopped as she was cut off.

"The hospital is lying to us Ruby! What did they tell you about your stomach?"

"They said it was just a stomach ulcer?" Ruby replied, her statement more a question. Velvet tried to interject once again.

"Weiss, I don't know what you're doing, but the-"

"Be quiet!" Weiss hissed, crossing over to take Ruby's hand. "Ruby dearest, the hospital lied to us because they don't want to anger me. I'm the most powerful woman in the world, and they don't want to disappoint me."

Ruby's face paled, her hand gripping Weiss's tightly. "Weiss, please don't tell me you-"

"They lied Ruby, they tried to cover it up!" Tears began running down her face, dripping onto her scrubs. "You- you have stomach cancer Ruby. I'm. . . I'm so sorry."

"Stomach cancer?!" both Velvet and Yurie shouted out in unison, "Weiss, what the hell are you talking about?" Velvet continued, "All she has is a stomach _ulcer!_ "

Weiss turned on her heel, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. "Is that so? Then how do you explain _THIS!_ " She brandished her hand, displaying the x-ray for the occupants of the room to see. "This is what they were trying to hide, Ruby, this is the truth."

To her credit, Ruby looked more confused by this recent development than anything, her eyebrows raised. "Whaaat?"

Upon seeing the x-ray, Velvet slammed a palm into her face, the resounding smack echoing through the room.

"Weiss, you go that from Radiology, didn't you."

"Ha! So you admit it! This is Ruby's real x-ray!"

"I admit nothing," Velvet sighed, striding to the end of Ruby's bed. Reaching into a basket affixed to the end, she pulled up a binder stuffed to bursting with medical papers. From within, she pulled an x-ray, displaying it. "This is Ruby's actual x-ray. What you have is somebody else's."

Ruby's x-ray was much more regular, the only alarming part a small white dot near the bottom of Ruby's stomach.

"This is Ruby's x-ray," Velvet repeated. "Here's the stomach ulcer, and here's her medical ID." She pointed out each item in turn. Then, as an afterthought, she turned to the bedside computer and typed the ID in, which displayed a name on the screen. _Ruby Rose._ From the bed, Ruby breathed a sigh of relief.

"But- but then, who is R. Rose?" Weiss sputtered, holding up her stolen x-ray again, indicating the memo. Velvet took the sheet, examining the words scrawled on its surface. "If not Ruby, then _who?_ "

"This is _Resident Rose,_ " Velvet answered, "as in 'resident in a hospital.' Rose is her _first_ name. Telling you her last name would be breaking confidentiality, but I can tell you that it's definitely _not_ Ruby."

"But. . . But that doesn't make sense!" Weiss yelled. "That's so confusing! Why use her first name?"

Velvet merely shrugged, handing the x-ray to Yurie, "It's not confusing to us. You don't work here, so why should it make sense to you? By the way, do you know why Yurie is here?" As Weiss opened her mouth, Velvet answered her own question. "She's here because she saw you sneaking around and came to tell me."

Weiss turned on Yurie, fists balled. "You recognized me?"

"Of course, how could I not? You're Weiss Schnee, it'd be bad if I didn't recognize the hospital's namesake." Yurie laughed, tucking the x-ray into a file folder.

"But I was so careful to remain undetected!" Weiss pouted, "I even put on latex gloves to hide my fingerprints!"

"The hospital staff knew it was you the second you walked in," Velvet said. "While the outfit turned some heads, it was only when you started acting like you were new here that the staff got suspicious."

"Also, latex gloves don't cover fingerprints," Yurie added as an aside.

"Wait. . ." Weiss trailed off, dumbstruck. "So. . . you're telling me that I broke into my own hospital to steal the incorrect medical records that correspond to the wrong Rose. . . all for nothing? I was wrong the whole time?"

Velvet and Yurie exchanged a glance before shrugging. "Pretty much."

A hand snaked back into hers, Ruby intertwining their fingers together. "It's all okay Weiss, you don't need to worry anymore," she said softly, pulling Weiss closer so that she was sitting on the bed. Still in shock, Weiss felt tears beginning to well in her eyes. "I'm going to be alright, Ruby promised.

The dam finally broke, and Weiss buried her face in Ruby's shirt, bawling. "Ruby!" she choked out, "I was so worried! I thought I was going to lose you, that I'd been betrayed by everyone!"

"Shhh, Shhh," Ruby whispered, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, "It's all okay, I'm alright. I love you."

"I love you too Ruby!" she gasped out, "I couldn't bear the thought of losing you!"

She cried for another ten minutes, Ruby joining in shortly after she began. They clutched at each other, holding their loved ones tight and refusing to let go. Velvet and Yurie watched fondly from the edge of the room, forgotten as far as Weiss and Ruby were concerned.

Eventually, Weiss got up and cleaned her face in the sink, washing away the tears and stained makeup. After sitting back down on the bed, she addressed the medical staff in the room. "I admit, I may have jumped the gun there," Weiss apologized, looking at the floor before meeting Velvet and Yurie's eyes in turn. "I shouldn't have been so drastic, I know I caused you trouble. And as you two are medical professionals, I'm sorry. I should've trusted you more."

"You should have," Velvet agreed. Then, her expression softened, "But I forgive you. I don't know what it's like to be the richest person in Remnant; I'm sure that somewhere deep down you had a rational basis for fearing the worst. And I know you only had the best intentions in mind."

Yurie laughed in agreement, beginning to walk out. "I've never seen this much devotion between a couple," she commented, waving as she left. "The offer for coffee is still on the table, by the way. I'll take you and Ruby out sometime."

"I'd like that," Weiss managed to say before Yurie was gone.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it then," Velvet said, gathering her medical binder and tucking it under her arm, "I've got other patients to take care of. With any luck, Ruby should be out by tomorrow."

With those words the door closed, leaving Weiss and Ruby alone on the hospital bed. "You know," Ruby began, "I think we spend too much time in the hospital."

Weiss laughed, her throat still constricted from her tears, "We should think about permanently renting out a room."

"Oh geez," Ruby groaned, "the last thing we need is encouragement."

Weiss swung her legs onto the bed, cuddling up next to her wife. "I'm just glad you're okay," she admitted, holding her close. "I'm not leaving you until you're safely back home, okay?"

"Okay," Ruby laughed, "I won't be going anywhere!" And then, slightly softer as her eyes drifted closed, "I love you Weiss. Thanks for always protecting me."

"I know you don't need it as much as I like to pretend you do, but you're welcome. I love you too, Ruby."


End file.
